cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
