Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
