At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
