Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
