Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
