I never want to see another naked old woman again.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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