I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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