Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
