You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
