Can i not drive my cunt home
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
