Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
