Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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