omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
