I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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