I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
