you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
