I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize