She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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