in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
