Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Randomize
