Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
