please come you make the beer taste better
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
