I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
