You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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