How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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