don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
