Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize