he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize