So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
