Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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