Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
