I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
