Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
