the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
