Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
