Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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