"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
