you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
