Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
