I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
why do cheetos always look like penises
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
