there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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