if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
