I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
