I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
