yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
