dude i'm inner monologue high
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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