Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
