I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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