I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
