How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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