I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
