btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
