people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We are all done wearing pants today
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
