That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
