Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
