dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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