is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
