his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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