I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize