That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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