You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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