At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
