Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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