i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize