Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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