Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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