eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My bed smells like the plague
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
