make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
