Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
