So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
