you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
