You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
