matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
