haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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