wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
