Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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