I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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