all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Michael Bay diarrhea
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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