i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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