You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
