I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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