i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
