Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize