Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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