I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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