is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
