WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
