I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
