I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize