That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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