The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
