My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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