I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
