this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
