i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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