Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Come see our sink grown plant.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
