Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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