Banned from zoo.
Again?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
