I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Who died my cat blue again?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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