you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
