I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
