I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize