I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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